Sunday, March 21, 2010

parenting ... one tough job

Today was one of those days that i just wanted to quit my job!  How had I gotten here?  Where had these feelings come from?  Anger, frustration, desperation ... and most of all fear.  After almost 'losing it' today I ran out the door, jumped in my car and just drove!  So many emotions surfaced.  In just a single moment I realized I was completely alone - tears streaming down my face and the need to 'let it all out' and I had nowhere to go and noone to talk to.  I wanted answers ... why was I being punished so?  I am a good mom - I have five beautiful children.  I felt the Lord blessed my life with them for a purpose.  My life plan included three children however I was given the gift of two more children through adoption due to unforseen circumstances.  My youngest son has Reactive Attachment Disorder and ADHD.  If you do not know what attachment disorder, I encourage you to do a quick search).  My second to youngest son has ADHD and chronic depression - so days can be quite challenging.  I have been able to see beyond the behaviors understanding that they are not intentional but today I just fell apart.  After a couple hours in the car and a quick visit with my mom I was ready to return home.  I was reminded of a quote I keep near to me: "when you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."  I realized that running from this problem was teaching my children to do the same!  No matter how many times in the past I felt like giving up, I reminded myself that I was the voice for these children, I was their teacher, their inspiration and their foundation ... "our greatest glory is not in never failing, but rising up every time we fail".  I have risen!



Marie said...

I hear ya! Parenting most assuredly is not for wimps! Wish I lived closer. Cute cards.

ezlivinginvt said...

Your doing a great job! They are bound to test your patience, it's their job. We all have those days and if we didn't we aren't doing our job right.
You didn't teach them to run away, you taught them to take a break, think before you react. You returned and I'm sure at that point you assured them when you came home and were much calmer to talk to them about the situation. I have to leave and go for a walk, sometimes I even cry in front of them before I can get out to walk. We're human too, we're not perfect and mothering didn't come with a manual! Keep you chin up and remember I'm only 2 miles away!


Anonymous said...

All of us face those challenges and run away sometimes. But going back to face them is a great teaching tool for your children. Remember this quote, I don't know who said it but that it has been around for a long time. "If God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it." You're not alone although you live so far from people. Good luck and God Bless.